Monday, November 9, 2015

I survived my self.

Few years back, I was a mess. All I did was stay in my room, watch Korean series and movies all day, sleep, eat and sleep again. I didn't talk to anyone beside my Mom. All I did was sleep because when I'm awake, my brain kept on thinking about how messed up my life was and all I wanna do is just end my life. Suicide. I was suicidal. I prayed, I prayed and asked HIM to just take me. I was a mess.

Fast forward to today, I am thankful. I am happy. My life is not where I wanted it to be right now, I feel stressed out sometimes, but I am thankful and happy. I am trying. I survived.

Looking back to that part of my life, I don't laugh about it, I can't. I don't even tell it to anyone. Instead I use it to focus and motivate my self to be the better person that I have to be.

It was hard, I can say that it was the hardest part of my life. I don't wanna go back to that version of my self. I still cringe whenever I think about it. I feel the heaviness I felt that time.

I am a better person. I am thankful. I am happy. That's what matters most right now. I pray not for the same reason I prayed before, I pray to thank HIM for the blessings he gave me and for HIS guidance. For the blessing of Family, Friends and for not giving up on me when I was questioning HIM.

with love,
Lily J.

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