If I die today, tomorrow, days after today or whenever, really. I want everyone that matters to know that I'm happy and I am more than contented, and grateful for everyone.
5 years after, I am here again. My head hurts, my heart is pounding so fast, I hear voices, my body aches. I thought I was over it, I thought all of these are long forgotten already.
If I die, I don't want anyone, and I mean no one, to cry. My life is a blessing, if not to anyone else, then I can say that it has been a blessing for me.
I want to wear my casual clothes in my burial, Ivann would know what that is. It should be simple. I don't want my Parents, especially my Nanay, spending money on it. I spent too much of that in my lifetime already.
I wanna be cremated. I want people to be able to get a piece of me, people who wants to, of course.
Violet.
If you read this, and if I am gone, please hug my family for me. Tell them that I love all of them. Tell Nanay how much I love her, how thankful I am for having her as my Nanay. Tell my brothers to always take care of my Nanay and Ate, tell them that I am so proud of what they've became. Tell my sister to always take care, that she is my idol and I adore her more than anyone else. Lastly, please hug my father for me, tell him that I apologize for whatever I did wrong, that I am very sorry and I love him.
Tell them how much I love them, until the last day and even after that.
I am hurting. I am hurting and I don't have anyone else to talk to. I wanna be strong, but I don't know if I can do it anymore..
Showing posts with label lily jeciel. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lily jeciel. Show all posts
Saturday, May 14, 2016
Thursday, April 14, 2016
Kwento.
Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan ang blog post na ito.
Ganito na lang,
April 6, 2016...
Nagising ako around 10AM, ginising ako ng pamangkin ko dahil nagwi-widraw na daw ang Nanay nya (Asawa ng Kuya ko) ng pambili nya ng cellphone. Malapit na kasi ang birthday (April 8, 2016) nya noon. Wala kaming lakad ni Ivann nung araw na yun, kaya naman sinamahan namin sya sa SM. Masaya yung araw na yun. Nakabili agad kami ng gustong cellphone ng pamangkin ko, at ng tablet ng kapatid nyang mas nakakabata sa kanya, di kasi pumayag yung isa na hindi sya bibilhan. Naibili na rin namin ng hard case yung cellphone kasi gusto din daw nya nun.
Pauwi na kami, tawanan pa kami ng tawanan. Kumakanta kasi ang mas nakakabata kong pamangkin ng Lupang Hinirang, kaso hindi nya alam ang tamang titik sa kanta, mas nakaka-aliw kasi ayaw nyang baguhin ang titik ng kinakanta nya kahit na tinuturo naman namin sa kanya.
Kakalagpas lang namin ng Green Papaya, medyo nagbu-build-up yung traffic, may dalawang bus kaming kasabay sa daan namin pabalik ng Tagaytay, nakita namin na mabilis ang kasalubong namin. Mabagal ang takbo namin, nasa 30 - 40kph lamang kami.
Doon na kami naaksidente. Nahagip kami ng sinasabi kong kasalubong namin. Hindi na nakontrol ni Ivann ang manibela dahil sumabit ang gulong namin sa gulong ng nakasabitan naming sasakyan. Nagswerve kami sa kaliwang linya, bumangga sa pick-up na kasalubong din namin, nasa likod ang pick-up ng nakasabitan naming sasakyan.
Sa maiksing kwento...
Sira ang pick-up at ang sasakyan ko, gasgas at sira ang gulong nung isang sasakyan. Ayos naman kami. May bukol lang ako at bugbog ang katawan namin pareho ni Ivann. Dapat masesettle na namin lahat, medyo may mga pinag-iisipan pa yata yung may kanya nung isang sasakyan pero yung sa pick-up, maayos naman naming nakakausap.
Sa nangyayari sa amin ngayon, medyo hindi ako okay. Di ko din kasi alam kung saan kami kukuha ng pambayad. Kami kasi ang sinasabi ng imbestigador na may kasalanan sa nangyari, okay na yun, wala naman kaming magagawa kasi sabi nga ni Sir na nagimbestiga, matagal na sya sa larangang ganun at sa galos pa lang daw ng sasakyan, alam na agad kung sinong may kasalanan.
Pilipinas e.
Tinanong ba kami kung anong nangyari? No, binase lang sa galos. Pero sige, okay na yun. May witness din daw sila, na hindi nababali ang testimonya kasi nagta-trabaho as public servant. Sige. Okay na din.
Hindi naman kami tumatakas e, hangga't maaari gusto na naming matapos at masettle lahat kasi hindi kami makagalaw hangga't may ganyan. Wala namang may gusto sa nangyari. Aksidente. Para rin kaming pilay ngayon, katulad ng sinasabi nung may kanya ng isang sasakyan, napabayaan ang business at ang mga plano. Inuulit ko, hindi naman namin ginusto ang nangyari.
Nagpapasalamat na lang kami at ganito lang ang nangyari sa amin.
Sabi nga ng mga kapatid ko, paano kung truck na malaki ang nakasagupa namin?
--------------------------------------------------
Sa mga kaibigan namin na nagtanong at bumisita sa amin, salamat. Okay pa kami. Dyan lang kayo, kailangan din kasi namin ng moral support.
Sa magulang ko, pasensya na po kayo. Hindi ko din naman po ginusto ang nangyari. Nahihiya din naman po ako sa inyo. Magagawan naman po siguro namin ng paraan ito.
Sa Panginoong Dyos, salamat po sa paggabay sa amin sa araw araw at sa pagliligtas sa amin. Mahal na mahal nyo po talaga kami.
with love,
Lily Jeciel.
Ganito na lang,
April 6, 2016...
Nagising ako around 10AM, ginising ako ng pamangkin ko dahil nagwi-widraw na daw ang Nanay nya (Asawa ng Kuya ko) ng pambili nya ng cellphone. Malapit na kasi ang birthday (April 8, 2016) nya noon. Wala kaming lakad ni Ivann nung araw na yun, kaya naman sinamahan namin sya sa SM. Masaya yung araw na yun. Nakabili agad kami ng gustong cellphone ng pamangkin ko, at ng tablet ng kapatid nyang mas nakakabata sa kanya, di kasi pumayag yung isa na hindi sya bibilhan. Naibili na rin namin ng hard case yung cellphone kasi gusto din daw nya nun.
Pauwi na kami, tawanan pa kami ng tawanan. Kumakanta kasi ang mas nakakabata kong pamangkin ng Lupang Hinirang, kaso hindi nya alam ang tamang titik sa kanta, mas nakaka-aliw kasi ayaw nyang baguhin ang titik ng kinakanta nya kahit na tinuturo naman namin sa kanya.
Kakalagpas lang namin ng Green Papaya, medyo nagbu-build-up yung traffic, may dalawang bus kaming kasabay sa daan namin pabalik ng Tagaytay, nakita namin na mabilis ang kasalubong namin. Mabagal ang takbo namin, nasa 30 - 40kph lamang kami.
Doon na kami naaksidente. Nahagip kami ng sinasabi kong kasalubong namin. Hindi na nakontrol ni Ivann ang manibela dahil sumabit ang gulong namin sa gulong ng nakasabitan naming sasakyan. Nagswerve kami sa kaliwang linya, bumangga sa pick-up na kasalubong din namin, nasa likod ang pick-up ng nakasabitan naming sasakyan.
Sa maiksing kwento...
Sira ang pick-up at ang sasakyan ko, gasgas at sira ang gulong nung isang sasakyan. Ayos naman kami. May bukol lang ako at bugbog ang katawan namin pareho ni Ivann. Dapat masesettle na namin lahat, medyo may mga pinag-iisipan pa yata yung may kanya nung isang sasakyan pero yung sa pick-up, maayos naman naming nakakausap.
Sa nangyayari sa amin ngayon, medyo hindi ako okay. Di ko din kasi alam kung saan kami kukuha ng pambayad. Kami kasi ang sinasabi ng imbestigador na may kasalanan sa nangyari, okay na yun, wala naman kaming magagawa kasi sabi nga ni Sir na nagimbestiga, matagal na sya sa larangang ganun at sa galos pa lang daw ng sasakyan, alam na agad kung sinong may kasalanan.
Pilipinas e.
Tinanong ba kami kung anong nangyari? No, binase lang sa galos. Pero sige, okay na yun. May witness din daw sila, na hindi nababali ang testimonya kasi nagta-trabaho as public servant. Sige. Okay na din.
Hindi naman kami tumatakas e, hangga't maaari gusto na naming matapos at masettle lahat kasi hindi kami makagalaw hangga't may ganyan. Wala namang may gusto sa nangyari. Aksidente. Para rin kaming pilay ngayon, katulad ng sinasabi nung may kanya ng isang sasakyan, napabayaan ang business at ang mga plano. Inuulit ko, hindi naman namin ginusto ang nangyari.
Nagpapasalamat na lang kami at ganito lang ang nangyari sa amin.
Sabi nga ng mga kapatid ko, paano kung truck na malaki ang nakasagupa namin?
--------------------------------------------------
Sa mga kaibigan namin na nagtanong at bumisita sa amin, salamat. Okay pa kami. Dyan lang kayo, kailangan din kasi namin ng moral support.
Sa magulang ko, pasensya na po kayo. Hindi ko din naman po ginusto ang nangyari. Nahihiya din naman po ako sa inyo. Magagawan naman po siguro namin ng paraan ito.
Sa Panginoong Dyos, salamat po sa paggabay sa amin sa araw araw at sa pagliligtas sa amin. Mahal na mahal nyo po talaga kami.
with love,
Lily Jeciel.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
daiLY.
I am back with another daiLY post.
P1 : Picture taken by my super adorable nephew, Baby Aldrin. Nagreready kami papuntang Mabini, Batangas, nagkukulitan and all, nagpipicture na pala sya. Posted it because I do think I look great. Heehee.
P2 : View from our room sa Sea Spring Resort in Mabini, Batangas. Spent 2 days there. Sulit lahat ng pagod sa pagdrive for almost 4 hours at puyat. Will never say no to family trip like this one.
P3 : Selfie. Period.
P4 : First time ko nakarating sa Aguinaldo Shrine/Bahay ni Aguinaldo. Namangha ako sa ganda ng bahay nya. #HouseGoal, kung meron mang ganun.
P5 : Selfie....
P6 : Nagpunta kami sa SM kasama ang mga pamangkin ko kasi gusto ni Ate na ipalinis ang mga ngipin nila. Ang cute lang ni Baby Aldrin, tawa lang sya ng tawa the whole time na bina-brush ng Dentist ang ngipin nya. At nakapag "pogi" pose pa nga sya.
P7 : Nagpunta din kami sa S&R para bilhin yung gustong dryer ni Ate. Nakakita ako ng Ring Pop (yes, paborito kong candy, simula nung bigyan ako ni Sheryl!!!) at di nyo maiimagine kung gaano ako nagalak nun.
P8 : Selfie. Dahil di ko alam kung anong sasabihin bukod dun. GGSS, maybe.
P9 : Samgyupsal Monday is Ivann and I's new thing!!!
with love,
Lily Jeciel.
Monday, November 16, 2015
Better life.
Circumstances in life thought me to be the person I am right now. Lessons ; I learned a lot of those all through out my life and I can say that it made me a much better person.
All I ever wanted before was to impress everyone around me, to make them love me, even if all I was saying to them was full of bull. I know, not a good move. But that's what my friends and people around me taught me. All I did was please them and make them happy, and I can say that I wasn't even happy and proud of the person I was before.
It caused my life. When they learned that I was just sugar coating everything about my life and that I was not the person I am pretending to be around them.... They left me. Alone. All by my self.
That caused me to be depressed. I was suicidal and all I did was cry and sleep. It was not a good year.
I am not posting this here for people to pity me. It's just a move I really wanted to do even before. I am brave enough to post it now and let everyone know about my life. Maybe someone will get to read this, maybe it can help them. Maybe.
I want everyone to know that life is not supposed to be fair. You can't sugar coat everything about it and you don't have to please everyone, you can't let their happiness go first before your very own happiness. This is your life. Be happy.
with love,
Lily J.
All I ever wanted before was to impress everyone around me, to make them love me, even if all I was saying to them was full of bull. I know, not a good move. But that's what my friends and people around me taught me. All I did was please them and make them happy, and I can say that I wasn't even happy and proud of the person I was before.
It caused my life. When they learned that I was just sugar coating everything about my life and that I was not the person I am pretending to be around them.... They left me. Alone. All by my self.
That caused me to be depressed. I was suicidal and all I did was cry and sleep. It was not a good year.
I am not posting this here for people to pity me. It's just a move I really wanted to do even before. I am brave enough to post it now and let everyone know about my life. Maybe someone will get to read this, maybe it can help them. Maybe.
I want everyone to know that life is not supposed to be fair. You can't sugar coat everything about it and you don't have to please everyone, you can't let their happiness go first before your very own happiness. This is your life. Be happy.
with love,
Lily J.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)