Body Type, does it really matter?

If I Die Young.

If I die today, tomorrow, days after today or whenever, really. I want everyone that matters to know that I'm happy and I am more than contented, and grateful for everyone.

5 years after, I am here again. My head hurts, my heart is pounding so fast, I hear voices, my body aches. I thought I was over it, I thought all of these are long forgotten already.

If I die, I don't want anyone, and I mean no one, to cry. My life is a blessing, if not to anyone else, then I can say that it has been a blessing for me.

I want to wear my casual clothes in my burial, Ivann would know what that is. It should be simple. I don't want my Parents, especially my Nanay, spending money on it. I spent too much of that in my lifetime already.

I wanna be cremated. I want people to be able to get a piece of me, people who wants to, of course.

Violet.

If you read this, and if I am gone, please hug my family for me. Tell them that I love all of them. Tell Nanay how much I love her, how thankful I am for having her as my Nanay. Tell my brothers to always take care of my Nanay and Ate, tell them that I am so proud of what they've became. Tell my sister to always take care, that she is my idol and I adore her more than anyone else. Lastly, please hug my father for me, tell him that I apologize  for whatever I did wrong, that I am very sorry and I love him.

Tell them how much I love them, until the last day and even after that.

I am hurting. I am hurting and I don't have anyone else to talk to. I wanna be strong, but I don't know if I can do it anymore..

Kwento.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan ang blog post na ito.

Ganito na lang,

April 6, 2016...

Nagising ako around 10AM, ginising ako ng pamangkin ko dahil nagwi-widraw na daw ang Nanay nya (Asawa ng Kuya ko) ng pambili nya ng cellphone. Malapit na kasi ang birthday (April 8, 2016) nya noon. Wala kaming lakad ni Ivann nung araw na yun, kaya naman sinamahan namin sya sa SM. Masaya yung araw na yun. Nakabili agad kami ng gustong cellphone ng pamangkin ko, at ng tablet ng kapatid nyang mas nakakabata sa kanya, di kasi pumayag yung isa na hindi sya bibilhan. Naibili na rin namin ng hard case yung cellphone kasi gusto din daw nya nun.

Pauwi na kami, tawanan pa kami ng tawanan. Kumakanta kasi ang mas nakakabata kong pamangkin ng Lupang Hinirang, kaso hindi nya alam ang tamang titik sa kanta, mas nakaka-aliw kasi ayaw nyang baguhin ang titik ng kinakanta nya kahit na tinuturo naman namin sa kanya.

Kakalagpas lang namin ng Green Papaya, medyo nagbu-build-up yung traffic, may dalawang bus kaming kasabay sa daan namin pabalik ng Tagaytay, nakita namin na mabilis ang kasalubong namin. Mabagal ang takbo namin, nasa 30 - 40kph lamang kami.

Doon na kami naaksidente. Nahagip kami ng sinasabi kong kasalubong namin. Hindi na nakontrol ni Ivann ang manibela dahil sumabit ang gulong namin sa gulong ng nakasabitan naming sasakyan. Nagswerve kami sa kaliwang linya, bumangga sa pick-up na kasalubong din namin, nasa likod ang pick-up ng nakasabitan naming sasakyan.

Sa maiksing kwento...

Sira ang pick-up at ang sasakyan ko, gasgas at sira ang gulong nung isang sasakyan. Ayos naman kami. May bukol lang ako at bugbog ang katawan namin pareho ni Ivann. Dapat masesettle na namin lahat, medyo may mga pinag-iisipan pa yata yung may kanya nung isang sasakyan pero yung sa pick-up, maayos naman naming nakakausap.

Sa nangyayari sa amin ngayon, medyo hindi ako okay. Di ko din kasi alam kung saan kami kukuha ng pambayad. Kami kasi ang sinasabi ng imbestigador na may kasalanan sa nangyari, okay na yun, wala naman kaming magagawa kasi sabi nga ni Sir na nagimbestiga, matagal na sya sa larangang ganun at sa galos pa lang daw ng sasakyan, alam na agad kung sinong may kasalanan.

Pilipinas e.

Tinanong ba kami kung anong nangyari? No, binase lang sa galos. Pero sige, okay na yun. May witness din daw sila, na hindi nababali ang testimonya kasi nagta-trabaho as public servant. Sige. Okay na din.

Hindi naman kami tumatakas e, hangga't maaari gusto na naming matapos at masettle lahat kasi hindi kami makagalaw hangga't may ganyan. Wala namang may gusto sa nangyari. Aksidente. Para rin kaming pilay ngayon, katulad ng sinasabi nung may kanya ng isang sasakyan, napabayaan ang business at ang mga plano. Inuulit ko, hindi naman namin ginusto ang nangyari.

Nagpapasalamat na lang kami at ganito lang ang nangyari sa amin.

Sabi nga ng mga kapatid ko, paano kung truck na malaki ang nakasagupa namin?

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Sa mga kaibigan namin na nagtanong at bumisita sa amin, salamat. Okay pa kami. Dyan lang kayo, kailangan din kasi namin ng moral support.

Sa magulang ko, pasensya na po kayo. Hindi ko din naman po ginusto ang nangyari. Nahihiya din naman po ako sa inyo. Magagawan naman po siguro namin ng paraan ito.

Sa Panginoong Dyos, salamat po sa paggabay sa amin sa araw araw at sa pagliligtas sa amin. Mahal na mahal nyo po talaga kami.


with love,
Lily Jeciel.

Friendship Over.

Breaking up with your special someone, be it a girl or a boy, is one thing but breaking up with a friend is another.

All throughout my life, I've had many friends that I am now not friends with anymore. People told me that this is just how life is. People change, I have to accept that. But what if this time, I wanna change the equation and be the one to tell them or better yet make them feel that I don't wanna be friends with them anymore?

I've always been the understanding one. I've always been the forgiving one. Even with friends who made me look bad to other people.

So I wanna know, are there any tips for moving on with this kind of relationship? How do you guys even do it?

Earlier, I was contemplating on posting about "5 Ways to Break Up with Your Friends.", but I ended up just posting a different take and just letting my emotion get the best of me. I guess I wasn't that knowledgeable about all this stuff after all.

Please do let me know.


with love,
Lily Jeciel.

daiLY.

Here's another daiLY post from me. Where I just basically do a recap of my instagram posts.

From top to bottom.

♡ New notebook I bought at Lucina (they're located in Ayala Mall Serin Tagaytay, ground floor). I just fell in love with this notebook that I had to have it.
♡ Selfie, because why not?
♡ Another selfie I took. I just love how my face is cooperating with me all of a sudden this past few days.
♡ Spent the day with my friends at Crosswind Tagaytay. That place is just so chill and lovely. Perfect for just chilling and all.
♡ Side selfie. Angle is perfect, so I posted it.
♡ Half face selfie. Love this kind of selfie, to be honest, because eyebags.
♡ Sinigang na hipon that my sister cooked. Requested it and she actually cooked!!!
♡ Went to Mabini, Batangas again with the family. Spent 2 days just chilling and enjoying ourselves. 
♡ Throwback selfie. I just miss my old thin body.

with love,
LilyJeciel.

Most Beautiful Word.

Whenever someone would ask me what the most beautiful word for me is I always go for "LOVE". I mean, it's not like I've given it much thought.

Today though, I've realized that the word "LOVE" is not what I actually consider the most beautiful word anymore.

"MOTHER". As simple as that. I feel like I don't even have to explain it.


with love,
Lily.

Fashion related post.

Click le picture for its full size goodness.

I am just too obsessed with the dress + sneakers trend right now that I am more than willing to exchange all of my shorts and pants for every possible dress I can find. I am actually contemplating on sorting out my old clothes, having a garage sale or selling them online to have enough fund for a new wardrobe (full of dress, sneakers, and leather or denim jackets).

I feel like this trend is just so comfortable like one will feel like she's just wearing PJ's all day but actually still look adorable and dressed up at it. Hehehe.

So obviously you guys can tell that I spent countless number of hours on Pinterest and Tumblr. This is just so real, guys. Ahhh.

with love,
Lily.