Leaving this here.

Last January 12, I lost a very special person in my life. My bestfriend, "boyfriend", the one who told me to just live my life to the fullest, the person whom I've been very close to for such a short period of time.

I was so confused, sad, and angry when I learned about him passing. Up until now, I still can't believe that he's gone. I ranted at Twitter and Facebook, I know that I shouldn't have done that, but I don't know what else to do.

It was all very sudden. I've taken for granted our friendship. I thought he'll just be there and I can just contact him whenever but all of that is gone now. I won't be seeing him again, I won't be able to hear his laugh, all of his crazy ideas.

He was such a good soul. He treated me like his own sister.

Why am I even saying this stuff here? He won't know about it and he won't be able to read this anyway.

But if ever...

Tol, 

Jonathan Emil Montoya Gamboa!!! I'll miss you everyday. 

with love,
Lily Jeciel.

daiLY.

I am back with another daiLY post.

P1 : Picture taken by my super adorable nephew, Baby Aldrin. Nagreready kami papuntang Mabini, Batangas, nagkukulitan and all, nagpipicture na pala sya. Posted it because I do think I look great. Heehee.

P2 : View from our room sa Sea Spring Resort in Mabini, Batangas. Spent 2 days there. Sulit lahat ng pagod sa pagdrive for almost 4 hours at puyat. Will never say no to family trip like this one.

P3 : Selfie. Period.

P4 : First time ko nakarating sa Aguinaldo Shrine/Bahay ni Aguinaldo. Namangha ako sa ganda ng bahay nya. #HouseGoal, kung meron mang ganun.

P5 : Selfie....

P6 : Nagpunta kami sa SM kasama ang mga pamangkin ko kasi gusto ni Ate na ipalinis ang mga ngipin nila. Ang cute lang ni Baby Aldrin, tawa lang sya ng tawa the whole time na bina-brush ng Dentist ang ngipin nya. At nakapag "pogi" pose pa nga sya.

P7 : Nagpunta din kami sa S&R para bilhin yung gustong dryer ni Ate. Nakakita ako ng Ring Pop (yes, paborito kong candy, simula nung bigyan ako ni Sheryl!!!) at di nyo maiimagine kung gaano ako nagalak nun.

P8 : Selfie. Dahil di ko alam kung anong sasabihin bukod dun. GGSS, maybe.

P9 : Samgyupsal Monday is Ivann and I's new thing!!!


with love,
Lily Jeciel.

daiLY.

Eto ang pictures ng mga nangyari ng nakaraang araw. Gagawin ko ang ganitong klase ng blog post evey once in a while, para naman na-a-update ko pa din ang blog ko na ito. Hehehe.

P1 : Took a picture of the road situation in Tagaytay. Zero. Hassle magdrive, sobrang lamig pero hindi ako nagrereklamo. Mahal ko pa din ang Tagaytay.

P2 : Wine, because wine not? *wink wink*

P3 : Reposted a picture I took back in Mindoro. Nakakalungkot ang nangyari sa Mindoro during Bagyong Nona and my heart aches for everyone I got to know back there.

P4 : Enchanted Kingdom with le familia. First gala with my sister. Ang bilis ko na mahilo, di ko manlang na-enjoy ang mga rides at ni hindi ko nagala ang buong EK. Wwwhhhyyyy?!!! Tumatanda na ako.

P5 : Toasted, not fried!!!

P6 : Rain started that day after ilang months na walang ulan. Sa totoo lang ayoko ng umuulan, lalo na kapag may mga lakad at kailangang magdrive. Mas masarap magstay sa bahay at humigop ng mainit na kape.

P7 : First ride sa EK. Feeling ko eto ang reason kung bakit ang bilis kong nahilo. Ayoko talaga kasi ng rides na pa-ikot-ikot.

P8 : Sensations. Asked my sister to buy a lot at bitbitin nya pauwi. Paborito ko 'to e!!!

P9 : Nagpachange oil ng sasakyan. Gastos pero ayos na din, para di masiraan at mapadami ang gastos. Diba? Salamat PETRON Tagaytay for always taking care of my Baby Joonattan.

P10 : There's a rainbow always after the rain. Tour around Tagaytay kasi may guest kami. Saw this beautiful rainbow while walking around Picnic Grove. Iba talaga ang naiidulot ng kagandahan ng kalikasan lalo pa't may bahaghari.

P11 : Lutong bahay beats eveything else.

P12 : Korean late lunch date. Matagal tagal din kaming hindi nagkita-kita at nag-enjoy ako kahit di kami masyadong nagtagal na magkakasama. Namimiss ko yung dating samahan.



with love,
Lily.

Better life.

Circumstances in life thought me to be the person I am right now. Lessons ; I learned a lot of those all through out my life and I can say that it made me a much better person.

All I ever wanted before was to impress everyone around me, to make them love me, even if all I was saying to them was full of bull. I know, not a good move. But that's what my friends and people around me taught me. All I did was please them and make them happy, and I can say that I wasn't even happy and proud of the person I was before.

It caused my life. When they learned that I was just sugar coating everything about my life and that I was not the person I am pretending to be around them.... They left me. Alone. All by my self.

That caused me to be depressed. I was suicidal and all I did was cry and sleep. It was not a good year.

I am not posting this here for people to pity me. It's just a move I really wanted to do even before. I am brave enough to post it now and let everyone know about my life. Maybe someone will get to read this, maybe it can help them. Maybe.

I want everyone to know that life is not supposed to be fair. You can't sugar coat everything about it and you don't have to please everyone, you can't let their happiness go first before your very own happiness. This is your life. Be happy.

with love,
Lily J.

Reason.

I have my reasons. I really wanna stay in our house and go back to the old me, but I also have reasons why I just won't.

with love.
Lily J.

I survived my self.

Few years back, I was a mess. All I did was stay in my room, watch Korean series and movies all day, sleep, eat and sleep again. I didn't talk to anyone beside my Mom. All I did was sleep because when I'm awake, my brain kept on thinking about how messed up my life was and all I wanna do is just end my life. Suicide. I was suicidal. I prayed, I prayed and asked HIM to just take me. I was a mess.

Fast forward to today, I am thankful. I am happy. My life is not where I wanted it to be right now, I feel stressed out sometimes, but I am thankful and happy. I am trying. I survived.

Looking back to that part of my life, I don't laugh about it, I can't. I don't even tell it to anyone. Instead I use it to focus and motivate my self to be the better person that I have to be.

It was hard, I can say that it was the hardest part of my life. I don't wanna go back to that version of my self. I still cringe whenever I think about it. I feel the heaviness I felt that time.

I am a better person. I am thankful. I am happy. That's what matters most right now. I pray not for the same reason I prayed before, I pray to thank HIM for the blessings he gave me and for HIS guidance. For the blessing of Family, Friends and for not giving up on me when I was questioning HIM.

with love,
Lily J.

Random Thoughts

I grew up in a kind of conservative family. All my life I was thought to be a good citizen of the world. Hahaha.

I started drinking when I was 21 years old. Of course that's not an issue now. I don't even go out late before, my routine was the typical House-School-House routine. My father would send me bazillion messages if ever I wasn't home by 6PM. Goodness. I can't even deal.

The 'rents wasn't actually strict. They actually let me be the person that I wanna be all those times. I can say that I choose being that kind of girl before. I don't like them getting upset just because of me.

That's kind of different now. I know that I am being too stubborn. I'd stay up late and won't go home unless I needed something from there. I just don't like being there, I feel so alone there. Yes, my parents house is where I should be staying. everything that I needed daily is there as well but what can I do? That house is too big for me. As what I've said, I feel alone there.

I am sorry for whatever I am doing wrong. I feel guilty for causing my parents worry and headache/

Lily.